Unseen wounds cut deep...

Beautiful. Pretty. Cute. Gorgeous. Nice looking. Attractive. These were words that were never used to describe me. I was always told that my skin was too dark, I was too fat, my hair wasn’t nice enough, I was too ugly and I was downright unattractive overall. The only time I heard that I was beautiful growing up was when it rolled off the lips of my molesters. You don’t see me in many pictures related to my past and every time I spoke to someone from my past, after the initial “How are you doing?”, the question was either “What size are you now?” or “How are you wearing your hair these days?”. It seemed as if my physical appearance was more important to them than my emotional and mental well-being. 

When I became a woman, everything shifted and I began to look for love in all the wrong places. This journey left me distanced from friends, drained mentally, emotionally conflicted and spiritually dead. I was incapable of loving anyone else, because truth be told, I hated myself. The day that it shifted for me was when I began to reflect on some of these negative words that I heard so often as I was journaling after my wedding was called off and eventually the relationship dissipated. I sat and cried softly and asked God why. A striking calm came over me and I distinctly heard God whisper in my ear, “My daughter you are created in My image, and those that know Me see your beauty far beyond the artistic achievement I produced specifically before you were born in your mother’s womb”. WOW GOD!!!

I believed the lie for so long that it ultimately became my reality. Proverbs 23:7 reminds us that “for as he thinks in his heart, so is he” (NKJV). The sad part about it was that I wasn’t the only person that thought this. Those that spoke over me believed the lie too because they didn’t understand God’s word that told me that I was fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). They didn’t understand that when God created me, He said it was good (Genesis 1:26-31). They didn’t understand that when God created me, He said that I was already formed in my mother’s womb and that He knew me and sanctified me (Jeremiah 1:5). God took His time with me, down to the dimple on my right cheek.

So, join me on this journey to self-love and be FLY!!!